Merchant's Guide

Ottovan’s Tips and Tricks For Racketeering, Profiteering, And General Mayhem
By Ottovan Dario

[Published by IPCS on the 18th of Fellnight of the year 630]

Chapter 1: Knowing your customer
Any general will tell you that the most important thing in battle is knowing your enemy. It’s much the same in business as well. The first thing you need to gauge in a customer is their appearance. Are they over the age of 18? Are they wearing nice clothes? Are they civilized?

Questions like these help you narrow your clientele down into categories which tell you what way in which to deal with them. The way you determine the category is a point system. 1-5 points is a tier one customer, 6-10 is a tier two customer and 11-15 is a tier 3 customer. Points are earned by 15 questions, with each one granting one point.

A tier one customer is one whose easy to trick but annoying to deal with. They are easy to string along and use but not someone you ever want to promote to an equal or allow into your organization. A tier two customer is your average everyday customer. They are neither offensive nor particularly promising and you should foster that relationship with them in order to get a regular. A tier three customer is someone who you want in your organization or as a partner. Treat them well and they will offer you great boons in the future.

The first question you need to ask yourself is if your customer is over the age of 18. If so, add a point. Underage customers are often intellectually stunted compared to their grown up peers and while easily manipulated, they are often used by their betters as pawns in mercantile games. (See: The Merchant Guild).

Question two: “Is their outfit of a hight quality?” Clothes maketh man as old Donnie used to say and if they’re outfit is either out of fashion or not befitting of their rank then don’t add a point.

Question three: “Are they civilized?” Tribals often pose a problem to business deals. They are hard to understand concepts such as money and instead prefer beads and other trivialities. Tribals are also barbaric in their practices with things such as slavery, cannibalism and incest still being quite common under the leadership of Ibris.

Question four: “Do they look like a normal person?” Often, people who have strange features such as multi colored eyes, strange colored hair, abnormally large hands or cover their features with abnormally large hood are prone to bipolar emotions and therefore less valuable as customers. If they have any of these, don’t give them a point.

Question five: “Is their current or former profession something that involves killing and  they are not a guard or a solder?” If yes, don’t give them a point. Contracted killers often don’t make good partners, just pawns.

Question six: “Did they purchase Ottovan’s Tips and Tricks?” If they did, then they are obviously of a sound mind and therefore give them a point.

Question seven: “Are they married?” Married individuals have something to lose as well as another loyalty to other than to your partnership/business. Therefore, married individuals make subpar partners and customers unwilling to take risks.

Question eight: “Are they an unwilling bachelor?” Donnie always said never partner with a loser and whose a bigger loser than a loser at love? Plus if they can’t sell themselves then how can they sell any product of yours or be expected to have good temper as a customer? If they are one, don’t add a point.

Question nine: “Are they part of the Merchant’s Guild?” The Merchant Guild is the most corrupt organization in all of Ardea. Any deal made with a member has some sort of trick or trap 100% of the time. Never trade with the Merchant Guild if you value your coin and your livelihood. If they aren’t part of the guild, add a point.

Question ten: “Do they attack civilians at funerals?” Showing basic respect for the dead is required to be a good partner or customer and if they can’t do that then they are not good for business.

Question eleven: “Do they actually have money?” Too often I hear stories of the poor and downtrodden trying to purchase things through barter. Don’t let these miscreants fool you. They wish to haggle your prices down through barter when you should instead be showing them the door! As partners too, barterers are often too poor to be of value.

Question twelve: “Do they show the proper disdain to those inferior to themselves?” Donnie always said to respect oneself. Therefore, to respect those under you is an insult to yourself that can not be tolerated at all. Always be sure to have your beating stick handy to beat away the grubby hands of the impoverished at any times and never let those thieves and beggars into your stores. If your customer can’t even do that then he or she is obviously not good material for anything.

Question thirteen: “Is their property of high value and did they actually pay for it themselves?” The quickest way to see the quality of a man or a woman is to see their lodgings. If it is of poor quality or they got it for free due to charity, then they are obviously inferior to those who payed for high quality construction. These people are often poor and unable to form basic thoughts so they do not make the best customers or partners.

Question fourteen: “Can they speak intelligently?” Lisps, poor spoken grammar and stutters are all signs of someone of low standing. They do not make good customers or partners.

And finally Question fifteen: “Are they a Dario?” The Darios are a reputable brand and family who have helped civilize the south and uplift Ardea into the future for generations. If your customer is a Dario, you know you are in good hands.

Chapter 2: Dealing with Customers
Now that you have properly identified your customer, you now need to know how to treat each tier. Let’s start with the easiest one: tier one.

Tier one customers tend to be emotionally driven. What you need to realize is that these sorts of people can be pushed around by you, the merchant, if you are capable enough. Things to be wary of however: these people have a certain sort of loyalty to those who use them as pawns. The greatest example of which is the Merchant Guild who strings along tier one customers into their static hierarchy. If for some reason you wish to civilize and uplift a tier one, you first have to work through their brainwashing to free their mind. The other type of Tier One are those who are savage or depraved but have some sort of cunning intellect. These ones are much more dangerous and are often in my opinion not worth dealing with unless you have to.

Here are some tips and tricks for tier one customers:

As I said, they can usually be easily pushed around. Use that to your advantage! Corner them and force them into a deal for their own good.

Don’t use rational explanations! Tier ones only understand emotional outbursts if their behavior is anything to go by. Use emotion to push them down the right path.

Consider Bribery. Most tier ones are too dumb to be bribed. They can’t conceive the idea of obtaining true power so they instead resort to the legal methods. Most is not all though. Some can be bribed with food, others can be paid off with gold. It all depends on what sort of feeling you get from their character.

Use easy to understand words. Try not to confuse them with large words as that could lead to misunderstandings and also wasting your time.

Know when to cut your losses. This applies to all three tiers but tier one most of all. Sometimes you need to know when its just not worth it continuing your relationship with a person. When that time comes, be sure to be firm when you tell them you no longer wish to associate with them.

Now onto tier two customers. Tier twos are your average everyday person. They aren’t the brightest but they aren’t stupid either. Here is where the more traditional advice comes in handy.

Location Location Location. The key to dealing with the average customer is of course the setting. You need to impress them with your property and/or catch them at the right moment in which they feel like making a purchase. This tip is too variable to give specific advice, but I recommend you use your good sense and social ability to figure it out.

Lightning Tongue. One of the worst things you can do with a customer is hesitate in front of them. Either when answering a question or striking a deal, always strike while the iron is hot. If a customer asks you where a product is from, even if you have to make it up, have a response and own that response. If they ask you if you think their rates are good, don’t ask for time to think on it, ask them a question, negotiate or refuse. You will sometimes regret a deal taken but always regret an opportunity missed.

Flattery despite what many people claim, flattery works on 99.90% of the people you meet. You just need to di it subtly. For example, pay someone to tell your customer that you praised their lodgings or outfit. Or subtly drop hints that you like their decor. If you’re feeling really desperate, you can even flirt with your customer but I must warn you that there may be unintended consequences.

Tier 3 customers are the easiest to deal with but the hardest to get on your side. They’re smart, cunning, and know what they’re worth so try your hardest to make friends with them or if you can’t do that permanently get them out of your way.

Here are some tips for dealing with them:

Find a common enemy. The easiest way to get someone to like you is to hate the same thing they do. Through shared hatred of a similar enemy, you can bond as you discuss why you hate them, etc. Just the other day, a person who preferred to remain unnamed and I discussed our hatred of the Merchant Guild which eventually developed into the deal of a lifetime for me.

Find something exotic to keep their interests. Donnie always told me to use exotic shows of wealth to earnfavor. While he preferred female dancers and booze, I personally prefer exorbitant displays of wealth as a means to wow someone into working with me. It’s ultimately up to you though, as it’s all personal preference.

Don’t be afraid to get creative. When striking a deal try to avoid the standard copy and paste deal. Think of something they actually need that they can’t acquire or a service they need rendered for themselves. Even cleaning up messes as a fixer is a valuable thing to offer in a deal. Be creative and write me about your creative ideas and maybe you’ll win a grand prize of 50 gold!

Show no mercy. The one thing that turns off a tier three customer more than an empty wallet or inventory is a weak willed partner/store owner. Show your cunning nature by crushing your competition and swindling your customers and tier threes would be to join your organization!

Chapter 3: Regional Advice and Groups to Court and Avoid
Before we get into the meat of this book, we need to understand the regions of Ardea and the groups that inhabit it. Be warned that these are generalizations and exceptions exist for each group and region. I will also only mention the regions and groups I find relevant.

Ardea: The Ardeans are a healthy stock of people. They tend to be friendly and to even open their homes to visitors. Other notable features are their charity that borders on naivety and their dedication to goodness and fighting evil wherever it shows up. The terrain of the land is mostly forested land with a large mountain divide in the south separating Ardea from the desert and beyond that, the tribals.

Doing business in Ardea is needed for success. The problem is that there are several groups in your way to prevent you from winning. These groups are as follows: The Crown, The Merchant Guild, The Sparrows, and the Church.

The Crown is by far the strongest of these groups but also the easiest to deal with. They’re reasonable people but-

The author has chosen to withhold this information from this copy. Purchase the author’s cut edition for more info]

The worst group in all of Ardea has to be the Merchant’s Guild. They are the scum of all of Ardea and have ties in Slaver groups and Drug cartels. Truly villians. Never speak to a member of the Merchant Guild and pray for the souls of those who have fallen prey to their schemes. Perhaps the Gods punish our lands with dragons and ghouls for not driving this taint from our homeland.

Here are some tips for dealing with such evil:

Do not engage. Do not talk to a Merchant Guild member, do not speak to a Merchant Guild member and DO NOT TRADE with a Merchant Guild member. They are cruel schemers who know nothing but cold hard cash.

Consider solutions to clean out Ardea. Self Explanatory. If you have to ask, you’re probably part of the problem.

Warn others about making a deal with Merchant’s Guild. We need to prevent more tragedies from existing in this world. Hundreds of people have been conned by the Merchant Guild, if we can just save one then it would be worth it in the end.

The Sparrows are another group you have to deal with if you have an interest in the slums of Ardea. They are a self-righteous group that considers themselves a “force for good.” They are republicans (likely behind the king’s death) and populists who obstruct good businessmen from working in Dusktown because of things such as “Usery” and “Corruption.”

Distraction. The Sparrows, like the animal they’re named after, are easily distracted with other things, which could give you free rein in Dusktown in the meantime. Consider giving them a quest through a third party or causing a bigger issue but hide your connection to it.

Pretending to be Like Them. Another alternative is to just pretend to be another republican populist anarchist like they and therefore earn their good graces that way. This isn’t recommended though as it would weigh on your sanity and could even see you dragged into their crimes.

Brute Force. I recommend this method the least as its the most likely to backfire. Using hired thugs to beat back the Sparrows could work but it would 100% see the guards drawn into Dusktown and a general investigation called to catch the culprits. Maybe you can win if the justice system is sensible but they are often corrupted by the idealism of organizations such as the Sparrows.

The Church is the final group you need to deal with; they are also the easiest second to the Crown. As long as you follow the faith publicly and donate to them generously they should leave you alone. Be sure to not raise their ire though as a Church boycott is lethal to any would-be rich men.

Now that we covered the groups, lets now discuss actually winning in Ardea. The most important thing in winning is finding your own niche. This could be anything from food, to armor and weapons. It does not matter, as long as you find it free or can price yourself lower than your competitors. Here comes the part that relies on good fortune. You need to let people know about your shop in a non-annoying way. I would recommend just having it in a public area and allowing word of mouth to spread about your deals. Other things I recommend is striking deals with some of the groups I mentioned to facilitate better deals. The Crown is an obvious choice but also you should consider the Red Wolves, the Inkwell Brewery, and other private contractors.

Now to cover the other region of this island: The Southern Jungles.

I do not recommend doing business in the south as it is filled with savage people and only the hard work of Clan Dario has helped uplift them. If you do though, be sure to assume everyone here is a tier one customer and treat them accordingly. Furthermore, do not mention the word land, soil, or earth to them as it drives them into a blood frenzy.

Chapter 4: Racketeering
Unfortunately, most of the people I have encountered do not fear for their livelihood or their lives so the traditional method of racketeering doesn’t work. Instead, it’s better to threaten to undercut them and drive them out of business to force them into rent payment or a deal. Be sure to be certain there are no witnesses to your operations. Many people in this world are quick to draw swords and fling spells, and that’s both bad for business and prone to giving you a headache as well.

Chapter 5: Profiteering
Besides the Ardean tips I gave you, I also recommend the use of what I call “friends on the other side.” These friends will help encourage people to use your stores and only your stores as well as helping your rivals see the error in their way. These friends can often be found in run down taverns, Dusktown, and Dario Keep to name a few. Try offering them a price, they often end up paying for themselves.

Other things I recommend is rumormongering to steal customers and also using your contacts and friends to even and possibly shift the playing field.

Chapter 5: General Mayhem
If you follow this guidebook to the T you will have money and if you have money you will have power. With this power, you can get anything too. You can even get Dwarven women without beards! What I usually do is stand on top of the tower and pelt the servants with coins. Donnie would often instead throw massive parties for himself and his guests that would last for weeks on end. What I would recommend you spend your money on is donating to the Dario Missionaries in the south to help bring civilization to the Heart of Darkness. We can discuss this more in person, but we strive every day to uplift those who swing naked through the jungle and show them the light of the church. Just ask Org, our mascot.

Chapter 6: Conclusion and Thanked People
Thank you for purchasing this guide book! I hope it was helpful to you in starting your business. Be sure to always be on the lookout for good deals such as this one and to also purchase the next books and novels written by the one and only Ottovan Dario!

People Thanked:

Don Dario

Adelardo Dario

Netto Dario

Valentina Dario

...and many many more.

Nolgund

Olug

Org

The Ardean Crown

And last but not certainly not least:

Myself for making the greatest contribution to writing in over a thousand years.